Help me. I’m sinking into this darkness. There are days where I’d gladly be swallowed whole by this darkness but I can’t seem to understand it at the moment. It’s this longing, a part of me wants to reach out and be saved. But this isn’t sadness or anything, I don’t have any words to explain it with. It’s what you feel when you listen to CaveTown’s cover ( Dave’s Song-Whitney https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wHKYWQyhOqY ) and realizing how untalented you are while there are people of the same age bracket, out there making hella good music.
I AM ROTTING INSIDE MY BEDROOM. I call it searching for personal identity. I find it easier to drown in my thoughts when I’m lying on my bed, in the dark, staring at the ceiling. Some people might say it’s just me being unproductive but it’s actually the most productive thing I can do at the moment. I get more ideas and thoughts to write about when I do this, compared to when I’m fixing my room or when I’m hitting the gym.
Honestly though, I really have been productive. I started a YouTube channel, solely because I want to learn how to edit videos and be able to see my progress. I also quit Netflix for a few weeks and started reading again. In the past week, I’ve read Everything, Everything by Nicola Yoon, Flowers for Algernon by David Keyes, and right now, I’m in the middle of reading I’ll Give You The Sun by Jandy Nelson. I’ve been so invested in these books lately, it made me wonder, what stopped me from reading in the first place? I’m glad that I’m forming the habit of reading again. Reading, as always, is the best way to escape reality.
I think I’m losing the writing spark. Which is absolutely bad timing because I’m going to school in august with subjects that involve lots and lots of writing. I hope, by having Rumbley Mumbley alive, I’d be able to revive the writer within me. I hope that rotting in my bedroom would bring good luck for the days ahead. As far as I know, spoiled food get tossed in the bin, and I wouldn’t want that.
To this blog, with over 3 readers:
I am proud to announce that there would be now a new category purely dedicated to the books I’ve read and my personal insight on them. I am also gladly accepting book recommendations in the comments/through my other social media accounts. I’ll be linking them at the end of this entry.
youtube channel: Hola Dana (yes, i know it sucks. wait for it)